kathy & dave's

dining date: 03.30.08
eatery: kathy & dave's on outer forest avenue next to the photo market
pricing category: upper side of cheap
guest critic: nada
overall grade: B+

the lowdown:
- we felt like we had pulled over on some road in oklahoma after church got out -- like we were on a road trip in some foreign land without any hipsters or people between the ages of 16 and 40.

- the decor was quaint and kitchy...sort of like if the christmas tree shop had a baby with sizzler.

- the food took longer than you would expect at a diner...so make sure you like the people you’re eating with, or bring a book.

- very attentive wait staff and there were frequent coffee refills.

- no need to ask for any condiments because every table had their very own selection of them...including a large bottle of mrs. butterworth’s syrup.

- question: what is it with diners and their weird pricing and silly surcharges?! i mean, this wasn’t as ridiculous as ecky’s-bay, but ridiculous nonetheless. $0.75 for peanut butter or salsa, $1.10 for 1/2 a grapefruit, but only $1.00 for a banana, and all of the specials were $7.15.

the food

the benny girl
- sausage and cheese omelette with a side of salsa, grilled italian toast, a few of w.t.’s homies, and hot chocolate with whipped cream
- grade: B+

"i wasn’t totally sure where this restaurant was as we ventured down forest avenue this morning, so i was quite surprised when we pulled into the parking lot of the former pat’s pizza. as i stepped through the door and saw the steamed up, curved, greenhouse-esque windows along the side of the building, i was immediately transported back to my middle school days when i would eat individually-sized pizzas with friends and drink a can of dr.pepper through a straw. ah, the good ol’ days -- before i knew any better about the crap that i was putting into my body. (not that the sausage i ate today was free-range and organic or anything). after my trip down amnesia lane, we were seated in an oasis of condiments. let me pause for a second to issue a warning...if you continue reading this review, you will soon learn all of my guilty little pleasures, as i ventured very far from my norm this morning. this was a very indulgent breakfast, i tell you. okay, continuing now. as i perused the menu, cravings came over me. i decided to forgo my staple item, (the tea), and order a hot chocolate with whipped cream. the usual and wild toast were aghast. but not as shocked as they were when i disregarded the eggs benedict on special and ordered an omelette. have you ever seen prelude to a kiss, or freaky friday? i think they thought that was what had happened to their ol’ buddy benny girl -- that an old man was trapped in my body and my soul was off in some nursing home somewhere eating poached eggs and hollandaise. but i was craving a mexican-style omelette for some reason...what can i say? and it was really good actually. the bite-sized chunks of sausage were plentiful and tasty and surrounded by lots of gooey, yummy, melty, cheese. i have to admit, sometimes i really like american cheese. the salsa was mediocre -- i’m guessing ortega or one of those ones that are made in "new york city!" i wasn’t exactly expecting fresh salsa with cilantro or anything, but it was still a little disappointing. and it came in a little plastic container, which was really wasteful. sprinkling the omelette with tobasco definitely helped to liven up the bland salsa. the homies that toasty gave me were really good -- grilled well with a nice consistency. oh, that was one complaint that i had -- i did not want to pay an additional $1.50 for homefries. how many times do i have to say that egg dishes should always come with homies?! if i ever hold a public office, that will be my first order of business. okay, now for the best part of the meal, and my biggest confession ever. sometimes i like fake syrup better than the real stuff. so i was extremely excited to see a big bottle of mrs. butterworth’s on our table. and was even more excited when the usual suggested that i put some on my grilled italian toast to make a poor man’s french toast (or should i say "freedom toast"?) it was really yummy...especially when i put some smucker’s strawberry jelly on there too. m’m, m’m -- gotta love that high fructose corn syrup. between that little dessert and the hot chocolate, i definitely was bouncing all the way to marden’s, where i then suffered a horrific sugar crash. but alas. so all was good this morning -- the breakfast was very good for a diner. if you find yourself on outer forest ave for some reason, then i would definitely recommend checking it out. and be sure to get the deep-fried homefries so you can tell us what they were like."

the usual
- 2 eggs over-hard, wheat toast, homefries and coffee
- grade: B

"there’s nothing quite like forest ave on a sunday morning. i don’t usually wake up with an intense urge to take on 18 traffic lights and weird lane changes, but today was different. i was ready for the kathy & dave’s experience. although the place was hoppin’ with the after-church crowd, we managed to get a table pretty quickly. our short wait gave us just enough time to breeze through the coffee news quiz and admire the wooden ’scramble on in’ chicken. (look right). our table was a little cramped, although once the three of us interlocked our knees underneath the table it was doable. i was pumped to see that each table had their own stubby ketchup bottle, a close second in design to my favorite, the ’sharpshooter’ bottle. i was not pumped however when i saw a woman at the table next to ours sticking her fork into the bottle. that’s just gross. if you really think you can’t POUR the ketchup, at least go for the old reliable knife technique. i mean, i thought that was a given. anyway. i was in the mood for the usual today, but was shocked to discover that it was not listed as it’s own entity. of course you could get 2 eggs and toast, or 2 eggs and a steak, but not the standard diner protocol of 2 eggs, toast and homefries. although i was disappointed, it really wasn’t that hard to order the eggs and toast with a side of homefries. i guess it’s more about the principle of it. coffee refills were frequent, though the coffee variety could have been kicked up a couple of notches. i don’t think anyone would actually choose to drink new england coffee if given the option not to. especially if he or she enjoys drinking coffee at all. on to the food. my eggs were fine, over-hard, though barely. they were fairly flavorless, but were fine with salt and pepper. the homefries were also a little on the bland side, but were nicely sized chunks that held together and weren’t overcooked. they were delicious once i seasoned them and dunked them into a lake of tasty ketchup. the toast was standard cheap ’wheat’ bread, which i tend to enjoy. the bottom piece however was sopping in some sort of grease that i squeezed out onto benny girl’s plate for effect. oh well, i was full anyway. overall, kathy and dave’s is a tasty and pretty inexpensive spot. there’s plenty of parking out back, and tons of friendly service to go around. so if you find yourself out on forest ave some sunday morning with a hankering for a delicious breakfast, head over to the bayou kitchen. but if the wait’s too long at bayou, check out kathy and dave’s, for some pretty good eats."

wild toast
-chili and cheese omelette, pumpernickle toast, homefries, and coffee
- grade: B+
"so my recent breakfast choices haven’t exactly been off the wall, or me "pullin’ out a wild card", so i decided that today, the finest the spring has offered, i’d shuffle the deck and call out to my loyal fans that i would go balls to the walls and get me some chili ’n cheese. thats right, i went with one of the specials. and you know what? it wasn’t half bad. the 3 egg omelette was bursting with cheesy splurges of yellow american cheese, nuzzled in with a pretty basic chili. i mean, i don’t think it was homemade chili or anything, but it was pretty good. And even an hour later, while roaming amongst liquidated lionel trains, discount durex rubbers (a scary offering which i would strongly caution against), and enormous bras that i originally thought were butterfly nets, i still felt pretty good. in addition to my chili omelette i had some homies that were ok. they certainly weren’t awesome, as they had no seasoning and could have been crisped a little bit but they were palatable...moreso than when i went to the restroom and walked in on an employee awkwardly standing in there, as if they were either hiding to avoid refilling more cups of bad coffee, or they were trying to hide the fact that they would rather have been in mardens hitting on the hungover employee, moving tacky flowered-old-lady-dresses-for-a-flight to see their grandkids and doesn’t realize airlines don’t give a darn whether you look nice because they won’t even give you a complimentary package of 3 pretzels, let alone consider it high class to be in a winged-metal-walrus full of wanna-be mile-high clubbers and large bellied older men who are destined to be sun-tanned and sucking in their bellies at the cabana with their cigars and martinis. and then this employee fumbled out the door and as i went in for a closer inspection i spied out that the sink was dry...and we all know what that means...so then i went back to my table and having already eaten most of my toast that was brushed with that oily mixture they keep on the grill (not my favorite toast topping) and having eaten my fill of all my other meal options, i luckily didn’t have to even try to eat anything. my sleuthing unveiled to my fellow reviewers, they were mildy horrified yet benny girl still managed to squeek down her sugar concoction of phony syrup, which apparently she prefers...don’t worry fans, some of us are still reputable food critics. so after watching a sweet train roll by as we were leaving i must have hit my food coma as i then ran a red light with a cop right behind me...he was apparently eating condiment sandwiches or something because he didn’t even notice. so anyway, as i strolled through mardens after the meal and enjoyed the model train collectors running around counters with arms filled with extra track and miniature hobos and trees, i thought to myself, kathy & dave’s wasn’t half bad."

bibo’s madd apple cafe

dining date: 03.23.08
eatery: bibo’s madd apple cafe on forest near congress
web: bibos madd apple cafe
pricing category: definately reasonable considering the options and quality
guest critic: non
overall grade: A

the lowdown:
- excellent service without much wait for the food.

- extensive menu of regular options, plus a whole sheet of specials, it was easter though...

- even though we didn’t have a reservation, we only had to wait 15 minutes for a table, not bad for a brunch-lovin’ holiday like easter.

- great atmosphere, cool artwork, this place is cooler than a split-level ranch.

the food

the benny girl
- vegetable benedict, homies, side of bacon, a third of a belgian waffle with whipped nutella and raspberry/mango compote, and tea
- grade: A

"sandwiched between a new thai restaurant and an art gallery, you might pass right by bibo’s madd apple cafe if you’re not looking for it. do not make this mistake. you would miss out on a fabulous culinary experience -- whether it’s morning or night. i was a little worried that there wouldn’t be any tables available -- it being the second biggest brunch-going holiday of the year and all (after st. patty’s day) -- and that we’d spend the whole morning going from one place to another, constantly being told that there was a 75 minute wait and we’d never get to eat. but bibo’s came through and told us that we could wait for a table that should be free in about 15 minutes. resisting the urge to stand at the window and stare in at the couple whose departure we were eagerly awaiting, we decided to instead stare through the windows of the gallery next door and enjoy the sunshine. 15 minutes later (almost to the second) we were seated in a cute little window seat. i was very impressed with the plethora of options on the menu and thought it was great that they give you the two-sided wine and drink list in the morning. (must be for all those people who are celebrating the end of their 6 week long, lent-induced sobriety). true to form, i went with one of the benedict options. not really wanting to spend a ton of dough, i sadly bypassed the benedict special that came with crab, bacon, avocado, and veggies, and went for the vegetable benedict with spinach and tomato. but then i got a side of bacon that i broke into little pieces to put on the benedict -- you know, the poor man’s version of the daily special, sans the avo crab. the benedict was really good with a practically perfect hollandaise. the spinach was a little much though. fortunately i could tell that it was made with fresh, not frozen, leaves...but it was a little too overcooked and mushy. i think that you should always put raw spinach on a benedict, since the heat of the eggs will wilt the leaves just the right amount. anyway...the bacon was plentiful (which was a nice treat) although a little dry. i loved the homies. you can read my compadres reviews for more deets on the taters...no need for unnecessary repetition. okay, get ready for the best thing you’ve ever vicariously tasted via review-reading. the waffle of the day. as you all know, i almost always favor the savor, but the one big exception to that rule for me is nutella. love the stuff so much. so when i saw that the waffle came with whipped nutella and a raspberry/mango compote (not to be confused with compost, which would not go well with nutella), i almost wet myself in excitement. fortunately, the dessert did not disappoint in the slightest, and was most certainly the highlight of the meal. splitting it three ways provided just enough of the tasty, decadent treat. and i have to say that the combination of flavors was brilliant -- the hazelnut chocolate, combined with the sweet, yet tangy, compote was amazing. oh, and the tea was good. i had to put the tea bag in the pot myself, but hey, at least there was a pot. this was a really great dining experience from the first bite to the last. all in all, way better than eating cadberry cream eggs for breakfast...hands down."

the usual
- spinach, tomato and goat cheese frittata, homefries, toast, waffle, coffee
- grade: A

"prior to today, i’d only eaten at bibo’s once, and that was dinner so it doesn’t count. (it was delicious though by the way). after settling into our spacious table by the window, i perused the extensive menu and was shocked to find myself unable to choose between all of the glorious options. i’m even willing to forgive them for not including ’the usual’ as it’s own option because the rest of the possibilities were just so imaginatively wonderful. plus, it’s easter, so i decided to kick it up a notch, you know, for jesus. i went with the frittata, despite a previous incident that wild toast had with this particular breakfast item (think scabby). the food arrived in good time, not too fast or slow, and in the meantime, i was rewarded with frequent refills on tasty coffee. my frittata was great, spinach and tomatoes nestled throughout, with a generous glob of goat cheese waiting happily on top. the homefries were a mix of sweet and russet-like potatoes. this isn’t usually my favorite in that sweet potatoes always get mushy before regular potatoes and contaminate the rest of the batch with their sweet smushyness. not the case with bibo’s, the sweetie’s held their own with the heartier variety and even managed to crisp a little on the edges. i think they may have been oven roasted, but regardless, they were flavorful and enjoyable. the toast was fantastic, one large slab of peasant-like bread with crispy crust. it even arrived with a charming little divided dish containing butter and jam. a-dorable. unfortunately, it didn’t come with ketchup and there was none on the table...always a bummer. once we asked for ketchup it came in a little dish, forcing me to control my intake and leave some for my fellow reviewers. not my favorite. but regardless, this wasn’t enough to lower bibo’s stellar performance in my book. oh, and i didn’t even mention the fantastic waffle that we split for dessert which i would have to say was one of the most delicious i’ve tasted. the raspberry/mango compote was not too sweet and added a lovely tang, and the nutella added a touch of something...oh i don’t know...perfect. all in all a great meal, and a nice experience. with a great intown location but an off-the-beaten-path feel, bibo’s is the perfect alternative to many of portland’s better-known establishments. don’t miss it."

wild toast- traditional benedict, homefries, coffee
-grade: A

"while i didn’t search my house for easter eggs, or have an easter basket filled with fun stuff, i did enjoy a great meal on this fine sunny easter morning. going to bibo’s, without a reservation, we lucked out on this holy of days by getting a table in the window after a short wait outside in the sun. with a deep tan and smile on my face, i enjoyed the coffee and the brunch options. ordering a traditional benedict i was at first a little off-put because it seemed like my plate was missing something as i only got homefries with my benny. three-quarters of the way through my meal however, i decided that the amount of food was in fact perfect. perhaps a piece of bok choy or a radish would have been a nice addition to the presentation, but really my meal was quite good. the homies, which i believe were baked, were quite good with diced pieces of red pepper twinkling through the mix of sweet and white potatoes. the benedict was great, excellent hollandaise and perfectly poached eggs created the blessed runny seas for the shoals of my soul. and then there was tony’s across the street where you can get hair extensions, dreadlocks and a perm. you’ve gotta love the options, i mean if wasn’t already rocking a little bit of a fro i could totally dig hair extensions, especially right after humming around a great meal at bibo’s. so anyway, we also got the special waffle that was pretty awesome, with an amazing mango/raspberry compote which was definately more food than i needed, but it’s a holiday right? what would jesus do? look around for the easter bunny? or eat a lot of awesome food? you tell me. enough said. bibo’s brunch was totally an easter miracle."

brian boru’s st. patrick’s day breakfast

dining date: 03.17.08
eatery: brian boru on center street
pricing category: reasonably priced...but only if you’re paying in pounds
guest critic: green eggs & sam
overall grade: C-

the lowdown:
- definitely an experience...a live band, green costumes everywhere, and extreme alcohol consumption -- all at 8:30 in the morning. if you weren’t irish already, this atmosphere would sure make you wish that you were.

- we’ve eaten dinner here before, so we do know that there is real silverware on site...so not sure what the plastic utensils were all about.

- we wish there had been lucky charms cereal on the menu. they probably would have made a killing with that.

the food

the benny girl
- breakfast sandwich (egg and cheese on a bulky roll), french fries, and guinness
- grade: C-

"let me start this review by saying that st. patty’s day is my very favorite holiday. i’m irish. okay, and scottish, english, german, and italian...but on march 17th, i celebrate that 1/8 of my blood that runs green. in spite of my love for this holiday, i’d never actually partaken in the traditional "guinness and eggs" breakfast that happens in a couple of eateries in town. when trying to choose between the various restaurants, i suggested going with the place that only serves breakfast on that one specific day. you know how they say that hindsight is 20/20? well, turns out that when in doubt, bypass the "once in a year" opportunity and opt for the place that actually has 365 days of practice in serving irish food. so i’d like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize to my fellow The Breakfast Club members, because i was the one pushing for us to go to boru. let me clarify. if you’re going only for the experience, then boru definitely gets an A+. it was unbelievably festive and the live music was great. and when else can you see people downing pints of guinness on their way to the office? but if you’re going for the food, then you should just eat guinness for breakfast. all the food was pre-made, so there were no options or substitutions. and when i say ’options,’ i mean you don’t even get to decide how you want your eggs cooked and you can’t add meat to your egg sandwich or even get it as a side dish. not too impressed with that. but i was even less impressed when i saw those rules come to life on the plate in front of me. ’pre-made’ clearly means ’stone cold.’ the egg and yellow slice of cheese were hard and solidified on a dry bun and it came with a side of french fries. (sidenote, after this breakfast sandwich and the one at vaughan street, i will NEVER get another egg sandwich on a bulky roll again). the guiness was good though. i mean, i guess if you’re comparing this breakfast to what you’d get in ireland, then it was pretty much on the mark. that’s why i was drunk the entire time i was in that country."

the usual
- "breakfast sandwich," fries, coffee and guinness
- grade: D

"so benny girl forced me to get up earlier on my day off than i do any other day of the week. apparently that’s how committed to breakfast i am. and st patrick’s day. i’m not irish, and to be honest, guinness isn’t my favorite beer. anyway, i went. of the TWO options presented on the menu, i went with the egg sandwich. irish breakfast is pretty much out if you don’t eat meat. plus the egg sandwich was much more reasonably priced at $5, seven bucks less than the irish meat plate. while i waited for them to give my meal a ten second nuke, i tried to reassure my stomach that it was completely fine with drinking beer and coffee simultaneously at 8:30 am on a monday...the food came. you know how it was: the hard overly bready roll, the cold egg slab. the solidified AMERICAN cheese, the golden FRENCH fries sitting awkwardly nearby, wondering, like myself, what time of day it was. i choked down most of the sandwich, some of the fries, all the while dreaming of rira, where everyone was probably dining on warm, steaming eggs cooked however they wanted them and dipping actual homefries in ketchup. and for that authentic st pattie’s day experience, i’m sure you can get guinness there too."

wild toast
- the "irish breakfast," consisting of eggs, toast, french fries, black & white pudding, rashers, sausage, coffee, and guinness
-grade: C

"so i should have painted myself green, or at the very least worn shamrock socks and doused myself in chromium man-scent. i was clearly undergreen. wearing a green shirt and green hoody was just enough not to get pinched, but still i felt like deformed 2 leaf clover in comparison to the colorfully green commotion that was brian boru at 8:30 am on st. patty’s day. hearing tales of hour-long waits for my authentic morning serving of guinness, we were pleasantly surprised when our guest reviewer had already situated himself at a table in the back of the first floor. so we were quickly served our guinness and coffee in paper cups (the first for a sit down breakfast, but its obviously not an every morning affair here at boru so i guess i’ll let that slide) in addition to the paper cups we were generously provided individually plastic wrapped plastic utensils, which hits close to home as my parents’ wedding "silver" was lovely plastic wear, some 30 years ago. unlike my parents’ diesel plastic ware, what i was provided with bent in half every time i tried to saw through a sausage link. which brings me to a crucial point of my review: what i ate. well, it being st. patty’s i had to go with the classic irish breakfast. and classic it was – authentically poor quality. there were no options in terms of how things were cooked, and there were really no awesome aspects of this meal, outside of the atmosphere of business-suit clad men downing a pint on their way to work, and the cheering and hum of music from upstairs. i mean, the guinness was good, and now i know that its probably the best beer option for 8:30 in the morning, certainly better than drinking a tall boy, which regretfully i know for a fact thanks to the morning after playing naked frisbee with many drunken and rambunctious friends…i could go on, but for the sake of all involved i won’t...so anyway, i was served french fries, that if you cut into small pieces sorta resembled homefries, and one half piece of toast, which was amusing. the black and white puddings were um…uninspiring? and the sausages, and bacon were totally awesome, if they could have been warm… at any rate, it was one meal out of my life, and it was an experience. the atmosphere itself was entertaining, so that’s good…right?"

green eggs and sam
"many apologies for my belated report to The Breakfast Club who so generously allowed me into their inner sanctum. [NOTE: this particular review was written after the fact]. i can only say this much: the secret society of The Breakfast Club is every bit as cloak-and-dagger as i had envisioned; so don’t be fooled, if you attempt to learn their secrets, they WILL kill you. D-E-A-D. my sad excuse for being so late is that two days after said breakfast i took a trip to the netherlands, catching a deadly bird virus on the airplane, and subsequently spent the following three-four weeks with a fever of a hundred and nine. seriously, if not for the marijuana tea, i don’t think I would have made it. my other excuse is that the breakfast itself was rather unremarkable. but, having spent a semester abroad in ireland, i was prepared for an unremarkable breakfast. chips (as in french fries) instead of home fries, canadian bacon (which in my opinion does not deserve the name bacon) instead of bacon bacon, beans, various sausages, runny eggs, all prepared with what i could only describe as indifference to flavor or heat. in that sense, the breakfast was authentic. what surprised me most (other than the lack of actual silverware) was that the bar did not smell like vomit - which is what usually deters me from eating lunch in-doors at boru. don’t get me wrong, i like the place, i’m a regular - i love their deck in the summertime and all the great local bands at night - but it IS a bar and usually smells like one. which brings me to my next point: i think the experience would have been much improved had we been able to get a seat upstairs, where it was strangely sunny, the band was playing, and the mood was becoming raucous to the point where you realized why they don’t give anyone real knives. i have no idea who the band was or where their fiddle player came from, but he looked like a cast member from ’gangs of new york’ - and he could play the fiddle while eating bangers and mash - truly a rare talent. in the end, i was not disappointed. clearly, the patty day breakfast at boru’s is more like a corporate picnic - a thinly veiled excuse to drink beer instead of work. which is a-ok with me."