18 February 2007

the porthole

(Temporarily Closed- Opening Spring 2013)
dining date: 02.18.07
eatery: the porthole on the portland pier
web: the porthold
pricing category: super inexpensive for really amazing food -- no greasy spoon here!
guest critic: wizard rock 2000 & scrimps! (both came from out of state just to join us for breakfast)
overall grade: A+

NOTE: This review is old. The Porthole was delicious
when we ate here in 2007, but our commenters have had some negative experiences there more recently.

the lowdown:
- great atmosphere -- very briney & rustic -- right on the water...a perfect harbor restaurant!
- server very attentive and friendly...AND he looks like john belushi -- a definite plus
- very artisan toast and a nice medley of potatoes -- "it even looks like there's rosemary on there!"
- good layout of tables -- doesn't feel too crowded in there
- good long bar to eat at
- hostess looked miserable and like she hated life -- not a very friendly greeter
- a nice touch to the atmosphere was the boat outside with the pirate flag
- the specials board was in two locations -- very helpful
- if you have to go to the bathroom while you're there, you might want to just hold it. not the nicest bathroom...not a place where you'd want to change a baby.

the food
the benny girl
- 2 poached eggs, homefries, toast, bacon, brie, and tea
- grade: A+
"the porthole is basically my favorite breakfast restaurant in portland, and today's meal definitely didn't disappoint. the homies are amazing -- complete with crunchy little nubbies -- m'm m'm! the toast was perfectly golden, although it wasn't buttered. but that's okay -- the server must have telepathically known that i was just going to put my side of brie on the toast anyway. what a great server! the bacon is the best ever! i put it all together on the toast and made an open-faced breakfast sandwich that would blow your mind! the tea was good -- a little skimpy on the water, no pot, and wasteful containers again...but whatev -- a minor issue. my only complaint was that the water glasses say pepsi-cola on them -- i'm a coca-cola girl. overall, a fabulous breakfast!"

the usual
- 2 eggs, homefries, toast, and coffee
- grade: A+
"i just might have to say that this is my fav brunch spot in portland thus far. great food with a price that can't be beat. my eggs were without a doubt perfect. the toast (i had sourdough) was excellent...although, i had to get more butter for it. the homefries were the best in portland -- 2 - 3 types of potatoes, rosemary, spectacularly seasoned and not mushy. the coffee was okay, but there were frequent refills. last, but not least...our server was fantastic -- fast, friendly, and genuine. anyone who can handle us scribbling on a notebook at the table with grace, has my vote! overall an A+ for the day with NO complaints!"

wild toast
- sirloin benedict, homefries, and coffee
- grade: A+
"my first attempt at steak with breakfast -- how pleased was i. the spread of smokey, grilled sirloin strips topping the foccacia was great. two poached eggs paraded on the catwalk of strips -- truly a taste sensation! with a touch of salt & pepper, this meal was a hit! frequent coffee refills washed down the meal nicely. also, i got a great recipe for peachy chicken on the back of the malt vinegar bottle that was on the table."

- brown "flying spaghetti monster" t-shirt & jeans (apparently he thought we said "write down what you're wearing" when we said "write down what you ordered." he really got the harbor special.)
- grade: A
"well, this place was quintessential new england. grungy, greasy spoon-like -- the atmosphere is laid-back in a diner setting. who really cares what this place looks like -- we were here for the food. i fully recommend anything with the homemade sausage -- it was very good...not too spicy, but it had a really nice flavor. so overall, as a guest reviewer and visitor to portland, i would give this joint an 'A' for brunch. try it -- you won't be disappointed!"

wizard rock 2000
- breakfast sandwich with sausage and homefries
- grade: A+
NOTE: he drew a venn diagram showing the porthole as the union between 'tasty' and 'awesome.'
"m'm m'm m'm m'm, that was a tasty sandwich! the sausage, eggs, and cheese were cooked to perfection. the foccacia was fluffy and had a good crust. the homefries potato medley was crunchy, yet soft and buttery good. i really enjoyed the ambiance and the people-watching. quintessential mid-coast maine. i recommend this place to both friends and family. go ducks!"

NOTE: the core 3 give scrimps! and wizard rock 2000 an A+ as critics. they were well-behaved, followed all of the rules, and are devilishly handsome. they will definitely be invited back...as opposed to sporty spice, who is currently on breakfast probabation. (see last week's blog for the reason why).


Anonymous said...

Apparently you have not taken a good look at the kitchen in the poophole. It is right next to the foul tench that comes out of the bathroom. Wouldn't eat free food out of that disgusting hole. The wharf cats and rats refuse to eat the leftovers. Glad you enjoyed it though.

Anonymous said...

worse service ever!!!!! 45 minutes for breakfast in an almost empty space... I have been in the restaurant biz for a long time must say I left the worst tip ever, no I'm sorry for the delay or crappy service server with a bad attitude. First and last time there.

The Breakfast Club said...

yes, we would have to agree that the porthole has suffered in the last couple of years. at this point our review is a bit too old to be accurate. thanks for your feedback though!